Plan B Then?

Hello!

I recently dropped out of university, and I've decided to write a lil' (long) post about my experience and why I chose to leave! Hope you enjoy reading x




I still don't know if university is for me, but I do know that where I've been studying for the last 5 months, has made me far from happy. I wasn't going to write about my experience or where I am now, as it's probably one of the biggest curves in my life, in fact, it is the biggest hurdle I've faced and am facing but I wanted my blog to be personal from the start (and where better to start from than the second post ay? ) I've come across other people sharing their experience and it's really helped me, so, if anyone is to actually read this, and also happen to be in a similar situation then, hopefully it may help! (I'm also writing this because I have a lot of spare time right now, life of a uni drop out)

Before I went to university, I decided to take a gap year where I was working full time, and saving up to do Camp America, along with a little bit of travelling. I must admit, the start of my gap year wasn't the most exciting, but I was still happy, and I knew that it was temporary and soon i'd be off, on a plane, in the sun, and then after the summer, i'd go to university, have a great four years, get my degree, do more travelling, and then get myself a job with the degree I studied for. (well, that plan's just turned out to be a load of shit really hasn't it) I really wish it was going the way I hoped it would all go, but unfortunately, my university experience was ruined by a lot of things, some personal, and some in resemblance to Cruella de Vil. 

I was very nervous when I first moved into my university halls, even though i'd just been travelling to America on my own, and met so many different people, university is an environment that doesn't compare. I also don't think I gave myself enough time to adjust as I literally went from sleeping in a cabin and living out of a small suitcase, to freshers week. (also tips for any future freshers, don't go from not drinking all summer, to literally drinking the bar out of tequila... it doesn't end well and you won't ever live it down, sorry mum x) Apart from being nervous, the first maybe two weeks of uni was going pretty well. I was studying Fashion - Buying & Merchandising, which is something I've always been interested in, and at the start I did honestly really enjoy it. However, my anxiety started to really take its toll. I've never been one to suffer with really bad anxiety, but having one panic attack at the start, in front of basically, total strangers, triggered many more. I even started to have panic attacks about having panic attacks and I didn't know how to deal with them. 

Usually, when I'm feeling anxious, I'd go home and just relax, but the house I was living in had me constantly on edge. I don't really have any words to describe it, but, let's just say there was never not a problem. Personally, I don't have the energy to find fault in everything, but, i've learnt that some people do actually thrive off of it (I know, sad right?). This was just adding 'fuel to the fire' and as cringe as it sounds, my room actually became like a safe haven to me, away from the dramas, and stress of my course. I realise it was toxic, and staying in my room actually made me ill, so if anyone is in the same situation, I don't have any advice on where you can go instead, but just go anywhere but your room. 

 Going back to uni after christmas and after being quite ill was daunting, but I went back with a clearer mind and a lil' bit of sassy motivation. I started going to the gym (new year, new me and all that shite) (also trying to make the most of spending £99 on a gym membership, when it could've been vodka money) getting out of my room, and actually going to my lectures. I did feel so much better, like I had my shit together, but I also realised at this time, that this university course wasn't for me. Or at least, it wasn't worth becoming ill and wasting money and time on a degree I probably wouldn't use, and so I've dropped out. 

My family and friends have all said they thought that it looked like I was having a great time from the photos I've posted, but lets be honest i'm not going to upload an insta of me crying in my bedroom alone am I?  Because that was the reality. Don't get me wrong, it hasn't been all bad, i've got lots of good memories from my short time in Manchester, and along with meeting the worst people of my life, i've met the best! (love ya, my Kelly and Michelle  x)

 My confidence and mental health has hit an all time low in result. Being a uni drop out is not fun in the slightest, and i've got a lot to pay off, but I know dropping out is the best decision. It's the first step down the right path. Can't really tell you what plan B is, (if anyone has any ideas, pretty please help a gal out) so for now, until I work it out, I'm going to earn some money and do things I enjoy and hopefully get back to where I was last year. Who knows, maybe i'll end up back at university in the future.
Hope this happens to help someone, like reading others' helped me! I know its nice to feel like you're not alone!

Lots of Love,
Kate x