Hello!
It's me, coming at you from the clouds. I'm on my way to New York City for my first ever solo adventure before I head back to camp for another summer at Winona, and let me tell you, I couldn't be shitting myself anymore than I am.
I've thought about this moment for such a long time, it's got to be almost a year now since I started saving to go away and the fact that it's actually happening is the most daunting thing in the world. I guess I'm finding it so overwhelming, not just because i'm completely on my own for the first part, ( I mean that in itself has got my stomach in nots) but because I don't have any sort of plan for the future and future travels and to me thats terrifying! I'm just jumping on a plane with no clue where I'm going to be in the next 6 months. Maybe I'll decide to come home and start a new job, or maybe I'll continue prance around the world forever and become the aunt who brings home loads of weird shit from different countries. I mean, I don't even have a 'Pleh' to my plan (quoting Pheebs there).
Whilst working and saving money, i've made so many memories I've grown close to many people, it now feels like I've got so much more to leave behind which has made the idea of jumping into the unknown even more overwhelming. Leaving felt so far away, that I began to just accept where I was, and pushed the idea of dropping everything to the back of my head and without knowing it, I trapped myself into a comfort zone. I ignored the fact I was going to be diving straight out of it very soon, and now its hit me like a ton of bricks.
Here I am though, so far out of my comfort zone I can't even see it.
Literally, If you were to tell me I'm going shark diving today (biggest fear since watching Open Water at like 8 years old) I'd probably just go along with it because I can't imagine anything could make me more uncomfortable than I am right now.
But do you know what, I'm actually loving it and the sight of NYC in the distance, with the sunset behind is giving me all the feels. I've never been more confident in myself, and more confident in the feeling (still scared shitless) that I've got no idea who i'm going to meet, where I'm going to go, what career path I'll take and what's going to happen. There's something about it that's making me so incredibly happy. I'm realising that it's okay not to have a plan.
If anyone else is thinking of taking the plunge, but you're scared of being lonely, homesick or just scared something bad will happen, then look at me, i've experienced this all in the last 8 hours just getting on a plane, (literally sat crying in the airport alone lol) and I'm okay. Theres so many memories on the horizon, and nothing is ever as bad or as scary as it seems.
This is so incredibly cringy (i'll probably cringe to much at this later and delete it all) but life's to short, book a flight to wherever you want to go and worry about everything else later.
I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve whilst I dot about the world, come with.
Much love my friends, see you on the other side of the zone <3
Lots of love,
Kates
x
P.s I'm currently trying to make a new blog so that I can easily keep friends and family updated on my travels, watch this space xoxox
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